So I found out today from my old trainer from college that I probably have a meniscus tear. So unfortunate and saddening. Here’s the scoop..

About a month ago I was having some pain in my right knee, which is the knee above my severely injured ankle that desperately needs surgery but I keep putting off. I started working out again with the FIRM and I was noticing that my knee was cracking a lot more and was stiff to the point of effecting my range of motion. Then after a couple of weeks it went away… for the most part.

But the last week or so I have been noticing that when I do my lunges and squats with my workout video my knee makes a very alarming and worrying crunching sound. So I decided to go see my old trainer. I havent had knee problems in my career as an athlete so I dont really know what a really bad you need to see the doctor knee pain is vs. a just push through it pain. I was expecting “Oh its nothing probably just tendonitis”. Oh boy was I wrong!

To make a long story short, I have to see my orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. This usually isnt that serious of an injury but because it is on the leg that already deals with my decrepid ankle I have to go get it taken care of seriously.

So its to the doctors office we go tomorrow! I am already anxious and dreading it. Just wait til I physically have to drive myself there and walk myself in…

It seems to be that the theme revolving around coaching and the season has been nagging. My mother asks me to go to the high school to sign up for coaching classes. Then my dad asks me about whether or not I have done it (like the same day) and then my mother will ask me again “because she just wants to make sure it gets done”. Rinse Lather Repeat, Rinse Lather Repeat. Blah Blah Blah.

From where I sit, I am an adult. I turned 22 last July and am quite responsible and this responsibility has been proven consistently for the last 10 years. I will get the stuff done, especially if I say I will get it done. Not even that this whole coaching situation was completely my idea. I was very excited to put my name in the mix for a job last spring when it was announced that my dad was the head varsity coach and he had five to eight positions to fill. But as the season became closer and closer I began to dread it. And trying to be a ‘responsible’ person I talked to my dad and my mom about how I was feeling.

I explained that I was feeling anxious to be in a team situation, and that I really wanted to coach and be a part of all of it. But that this season probably isnt the best time. I have done a lot of work to get my life and emotions to where they are today and I am feeling like maybe coaching right now will be more negative than positive in that recovery process. But I could tell that they didnt really hear me by the response. “Well just get the coaching and C.P.R. class done anyways so I can call you when I am in a bind.” I know my father. He is borderline workaholic, and he is one of those always tries to arrive right on time to everything and in the course of trying to do that is usually 10-15 minutes late types of people. All of this being completely 100% true, I would be called in to help almost every day and basically be a full-blown coach on the team. I dont feel like that is the kind of thing I want to be a part of.

Why can’t they just hear me and understand? My dad went through a similar situation with people at our old church. He is the one person in the world that should understand how I feel, and respect it. But he doesnt. He doesnt see that he hasnt set foot in a church since his ‘insadent’ and here I am becoming a full-blown pastor a mere 6 months after everything happened, metaphorically speaking. That is a very hard thing to do.

I’d just like a little space. Trust me, even if in my heart of hearts I dont want to do it, but I say I will, it will get done. I just need less pressure and more space.