It seems to be that the theme revolving around coaching and the season has been nagging. My mother asks me to go to the high school to sign up for coaching classes. Then my dad asks me about whether or not I have done it (like the same day) and then my mother will ask me again “because she just wants to make sure it gets done”. Rinse Lather Repeat, Rinse Lather Repeat. Blah Blah Blah.

From where I sit, I am an adult. I turned 22 last July and am quite responsible and this responsibility has been proven consistently for the last 10 years. I will get the stuff done, especially if I say I will get it done. Not even that this whole coaching situation was completely my idea. I was very excited to put my name in the mix for a job last spring when it was announced that my dad was the head varsity coach and he had five to eight positions to fill. But as the season became closer and closer I began to dread it. And trying to be a ‘responsible’ person I talked to my dad and my mom about how I was feeling.

I explained that I was feeling anxious to be in a team situation, and that I really wanted to coach and be a part of all of it. But that this season probably isnt the best time. I have done a lot of work to get my life and emotions to where they are today and I am feeling like maybe coaching right now will be more negative than positive in that recovery process. But I could tell that they didnt really hear me by the response. “Well just get the coaching and C.P.R. class done anyways so I can call you when I am in a bind.” I know my father. He is borderline workaholic, and he is one of those always tries to arrive right on time to everything and in the course of trying to do that is usually 10-15 minutes late types of people. All of this being completely 100% true, I would be called in to help almost every day and basically be a full-blown coach on the team. I dont feel like that is the kind of thing I want to be a part of.

Why can’t they just hear me and understand? My dad went through a similar situation with people at our old church. He is the one person in the world that should understand how I feel, and respect it. But he doesnt. He doesnt see that he hasnt set foot in a church since his ‘insadent’ and here I am becoming a full-blown pastor a mere 6 months after everything happened, metaphorically speaking. That is a very hard thing to do.

I’d just like a little space. Trust me, even if in my heart of hearts I dont want to do it, but I say I will, it will get done. I just need less pressure and more space.

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