Chapter 1

I woke up like every morning. It was a dreary day, I could tell by the grey-ish cold light flooding into my room. “Why get up?” crept through my mind. Did I really have to go anywhere, or do anything? I already knew the answer, and it was No.

I laid there staring at my bureau that lived against the wall directly at the foot of my twin sized sleigh bed. My jewelry box rested there, open of course so I could see all my earrings and rings when deciding what to wear. Next to the box was a small vase that housed a silk golden orchid plant. It was a long vine and climbed up the corner of the wall, leading the eye up to the cream colored orb that hung from the ceiling to light the room. My eye moved from the rice paper lamp to the wooden boxes that hung on the wall. inside them were a reed diffuser and a some tea lights lived. I had used the remaining wall above the dresser/bureau to hang my necklaces.

I knew I had to look back at the clock to see how much time I had wasted, and I knew it would be a lot. It seemed that time just passed no matter if I was there or not. Sure enough the last time I had looked at the digital display sitting on the night stand right next to my bed it had said 9:24 and now it flashed 9:38am. The longer I stared at it the louder it got, yelling to my subconscious “Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!”. Feeling even more subdued after the harsh ‘good morning’ from my alarm clock I threw the comforter and bed sheets back and sat up.

Scanning my room I ran my eye over the bookshelf and china cabinet, which I never really wanted in my room. It had been my grandmothers and when she died my mom thought it would be very meaningful for me to keep it in my room with all my various collectables. I had not bought these either, most of them had been gifts. My eye kept going and saw the mirrored doors to my closet, reflecting my room back at me, then to my desk, and back to the window which was the first thing I had noticed in the morning anyways.

My room was clean thanks to a moment of inspiration I had had the night before around 12:30am. That was a side effect to my new life, staying up far later than normal and then waking up much to early. The circles under my eyes reflected this new habit to the world.

I got up, there was nothing left to do in here anyways. I walked out of my room and down the hall. The smell of toast hit me like a brick wall as I passed the kitchen door. It was a burnt-buttery smell that was surprisingly pleasing. But I knew I didn’t want toast. My mom was in there anyways and our kitchen was so small, two people definitely didn’t fit. I kept walking and turned into the living room. I sat down on our pathetic droopy couch and clicked on the TV.

Nothing was going to be on, I knew it before I even hit the couch. But why does that matter? What else am I doing? So I scanned the channels until I landed on something to pass the time. TNT always ran Charmed in the mornings and it was thoughtless and meaningless-ness, which meant it required little to no brain power to watch it. I didn’t like to turn my brain on anymore. Just letting my thoughts wonder was always dangerous. I still couldn’t let myself even think about everything that had happened. It always led to tears, and my eyes were sore from all the crying.

I had done so much crying, I couldn’t even control it. The only way to avoid the crying was to turn off, turn everything off, my thoughts, my emotions. I just didn’t care anymore. I found comfort in not caring.


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